vaburbia

Bash Brother no more.

If only there was one in Virginia.

ikea couch with small pee stains (falls church)

Date: 2009-05-19, 2:27PM EDT

Hi everyone, I have a couch we got from Ikea a while back but since then it has accumulated some stains, some of which are dog pee stains and some cat scratches on the sides. Other than that the couch is in great condition, no one sits on it because of the pee stains lol so it’s still really firm and not missing any legs or anything. If you threw an old blanket over it or something it would be a perfect chill couch. Thanks for looking. peace

* Location: falls church
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

image 1178847428-0 image 1178847428-1

PostingID: 1178847428

Hmm, I wonder if it’s still available. I’m sure my wife would love to have a free couch.

Can someone remind me what a recession is?

According to a strategist at Barclays Capital, the recession here in the US may have ended last month. Someone forgot to tell me that everything is back to normal. People are still jobless, upside down on their home loans, and not spending money the last time I checked. I was under the impression that unemployment was on the rise, but what do I know?

I Heart BBQ Fitted by allivant
Tees made by zazzle
Browse more Humor Sayings T-Shirts

Buy this shirt! What better way to show that you love meat? This started as an idea I had to make some goofy t-shirts for some family members but it turned in to something else and I actually like this better.

I wanted to talk to you, but I had to take a shit – m4w
Date: 2009-02-26, 9:06PM EST

Have you ever been just minding your own business, when all of a sudden, you realize that you have to take a shit really bad? Well that’s what happened to me this morning.

It was around 8 AM today (Thursday) when I was sitting on Metro North and got that horrible feeling. I wasn’t even sure I’d make it to Grand Central. Unfortunately, taking a shit on the train was out of the question. Have you ever seen a Metro North bathroom? My only choice was to sit there an pretend nothing was a matter.

After what felt like an eternity, I finally arrived at Grand Central. I made my way to the front of the train so I wouldn’t have to deal with all the people on the platform when I got off. It was at this time that I realized that taking a shit in Grand Central was also out of the question. I think there is probably about a 75% chance that you’ll get hepatitis if you try to take a shit in Grand Central. My only choice was to try to make it to my luxury Chelsea office where we actually have sanitary bathrooms.

Now it’s probably about 8:10. As I’m running down the stairs into the subway, I notice the downtown 4-5-6 platform is exceptionally crowded. The conductor of the 5 train announces that the 5 train is out of service, and all passengers must leave the train. It must be Murphy’s Law in action.

I walked across the platform to get on the downtown 6 train when I saw you standing next to me. You were probably about average height for a girl, brown hair, black or dark blue jacket, green skirt, brown boots, and a great smile.

ON ANY OTHER DAY, I would have swept you off your feet. If you were to ask any of my girlfriends in the last few years, they would probably tell you that I just came up to them on the street, in a book store, in the subway, etc, and said, “Hi,” before proceding to charm the a smile out of them. But today was not my day. There was no way I could have confidently talked to you while at the same time pretending nothing was wrong with my bowels.

Anyway, we both got on a very crowded 6 train. I was holding on to the pole for dear life, and you were holding on to the same pole standing across from me. I’m 5′11″, brown hair, athletic build, and I was wearing jeans, a blueish t-shirt, and a black jacket. I think you got off at 28th St, but I was in no state of mind to keep track. It could have been 33rd or 23rd.

When I finally reached my office, I ran up 4 flights of stairs (because I couldn’t wait for the elevator) and made a beeline to the bathroom, unzipping my pants as I opened the door. I swear, if I had been delayed by even a second because I tried to get your number in the subway, I would have had to call someone to bring my some new clothes. I barely had my pants down when it forced itself out. I ended up using entire industrial sized roll of toilet paper. You have no idea how raw my ass felt after using that much 1-ply sandpaper-toilet paper. I think the toilet itself is in therapy now.

***Summary***

You:
Took downtown 6 from Grand Central
Brown hair
Black (or other dark color) jacket
Green skirt
Brown boots

Me:
5′11″
Athletic build
Dark blue jeans
Blueish t-shirt
Black jacket
Normally extremely confident
Fears public bathrooms

* Location: Downtown 6 from Grand Central
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

There’s nothing worse than feeling the urge when you’re in New York City. Thankfully I know a nice clean cafe on Broadway in SoHo. It’s across from the Kenneth Cole store if you happen to be there and need to go badly.

I’ve seen it all now. CNN is covering the supposed drama with Jon & Kate. So FOX News gets crap all the time, but it’s ok for CNN to do a story on TV celebrities? Are they going to do stories on the Hills next? I thought CNN was a credible news source. This puts them on par with People or InTouch. It bothers me that everyone is so interested in what every celebrity is doing. I’ll admit I’m guilty of perusing The Superficial, but I wish I didn’t feel the need to.

Now with the advent of Facebook and Twitter, it’s even easier to find out what your friends and acquaintances are up to. I slowly migrated from Friendster to MySpace to Facebook, but I don’t think I’ll ever twit or tweet or whatever you call it. Now you can e-stalk your friends and they’re probably ok with it! Sometimes I read people’s status updates and wonder why they feel the need to brag. That’s what happens sometimes. I recently read about what some guy did for his girlfriend’s birthday. No thumbs up. Doing nice things for your girlfriend is great. Feeling the need to tell everyone how great you are is lame. Needless to say I chose not to see this braggart’s updates any further.